Its true I didn’t! I didn’t want to start my first blog on a rant but today started badly and didn’t get better.
Ok so this morning I wake up at 3am sweating and unable to breath because the heat in my house was intolerable. I’m not due to get up a good few hours for work so I head downstairs where my aunt and uncle lay asleep to turn the heating off. You see my aunt and uncle are from warmer climates than my self…Old Trafford! And down here in what can only be described as a chav hamlet they cannot cope with the sub zero temperatures and resort to killing of any chance of a draft or cold spot in the house with 30c heat all day everyday. I might sound ungrateful as they only charge penny’s to stay with them and she cooks my tea nearly every night but you imagine trying to sleep in a slow cooker with your excess fat dripping off you like your being Gorge Forman’d!
I find my phone with 3 text’s one was a real txt a friend replying to an earlier txt from me the other two are from my mate that must have been in the pub and txt me an inside joke of which I’m in so that lightens the mood as I txt back hoping to wake them at 3:30am only to discover one of them may still be awake, his feckin girlfriend is still online my rude awakening maybe ruined nooooooooooooooo!
Anyways I chat for a while with my dad on facebook a place no parent should be and if they are they shouldn’t be friends with there offspring or stalk there cute friends. Finally its now cool enough to sleep so sleep I go(them two are probably frozen by now)
I wake at 7am I feel good now this doesn’t happen on a Tuesday I always go to the pub on a Monday night and get tipsy if not drunk so I am always a tad hung-over not sick and bad head hung-over just 10 more minuets in bed hung-over well that’s what I say when I’m being woken by my alarm right up until its to late to even get clean uniform. Considering I had the broken sleep I am in a good mood even to the point where I want to go into work even though I hate Tuesdays to a point I want to sacrifice an O.A.P. Maybe I should tell you what I do Monday - Friday during the days. I work for Tesco a super market chain that has no problem in fuckin’ anyone over to get what it wants and now with the recession Tesco are cutting back on staff hours and the like so here I go yet one more 9 hour shift stood on the till of doom.
I do get lots of material off of our customers though and we do have some great character’s that come through them door’s that make me feel like a Jedi. For example today within half an hour of being there and old man saw that I was having trouble with some bags and couldn’t separate them he leans over the counter a yells “your not pulling it right!” I’m not being funny but the last thing I need is pulling techniques of a 80 year old man who cannot stand up straight on his own, maybe that’s how he ended up looking like he’s trying to blow him self off??? I don’t know I’m just guessing. I then get an old lady(you‘ll see the pattern of O.A.P‘s) from the retirement home talking to her self in the queue of her and only her. She’s taking into her purse saying things like”oooh I don’t know if I have any money” and “I would like some cheese” odd I know, then she looks right at me dead in the eye’s and say’s “what happens if I don’t have any money for this” so I said “you can‘t have it can you!” I get the death look and she shuffle’s up to me with a purse full of old dirty 1’s and 2’s and pay’s me with them a whole £4.99 worth!.
I wrote them 2 down because I have a crap memory for things like that and a lady saw me writing and asked what I was jotting on my peace of receipt paper and I reply “joke’s” jokes that come into my head and normally leave as fast as they come but I’m writing them down now so I can get some stand up material I said to her “these bits of paper with my jokes on will be worth thousands one day(in Zimbabwe)” and she let out a HAH not a well done you HAH it was don’t be so fucking stupid HAH like I’m only ever going to grace till 4 for the rest of my days on this spinning rock we call home.
The rest of the day passes by with a string of arsey customers until there was a beep not just small beep but a BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEP it was all kicking off in Ashton on Mersey village a car was in the way and didn’t want to reverse oh no he even got out of his car gave an almighty tut like he had been given lessons from Mr Platt in Coronation street and as quick as it escalated into the worse row Ashton had ever seen it was over. You see Ashton is a place where feck all happens and the population of over 70 year old the only bit of fun you may see is the odd road rage and there’s no better road rage than middle class road rage it’s like nothing has happened but in everyone’s face you can see the blood boiling. Where I come from your likely to get a smack just for walking past someone’s car but not in sunny sale oh no not even a raised voice.
But of my 7 or so years I’ve been in sale nothing has reached to height of the night a taxi driver chased his middle class fare a round his cab with a knife while his fare was on the phone to the police with him shouting things like “this taxi man person is not the nicest of chap‘s” hahaha only in sale.
Anyways after work I head over to the bus stop and await my bus as you do. The last bus into Partington is 6:15ish and I’ve come to the conclusion that the early end to the buses is just like a curfew a cheap alternative to electronically tagging every Partonian and keeping them in the baron wastes of Partington an inaccessible town without means of transport and 5-6 mile away from any other town worthy of a shop non the less a bar! The people who escape at night time is either by walking or stolen car and in any case the one who walked are too tired and the one who stole car’s a too preoccupied with the police anyway to even bother committing any crime so the curfew works its just a shame I have to live with the one’s that are left and now shout at each other at the back of my house.
Right I think I’ll try and do a weekly blog try and get my writing juice’s flowing and maybe I’ll get better or I’ll not and give up.
Thanks for reading children
Gaz
