On Sunday i saw a show at the Frog and Bucket in Manchester its a comedy club I've been to many times before but this time its a comedian I've never seen or watched any of his stuff from the last few years. I've known about him and Can remember a show he done with Stuart Lee in the mid 90's that i liked but was to young to enjoy. the man in question is Richard Herring and the show was 'The Headmaster's Son' you can find more out at www.richardherring.com and the show was about how Richard wants to blame his dad for the person he has become today and in his own words not mine
"a bit of a twat"You see Richard's dad was the headmaster at his school and there for Richard blames his dad for him not being able to have a social life maybe other kids his age had because his dad was also the headmaster. At the end of the show and by this time i was crying a little bit through laughing to hard Richard leaves me with the single biggest grin I've had in a long long time. You see to wrap up the show Richard seems to realise it wasn't his dad that has made him the person he is today he would of always ended up there no matter who or what his dad was! It's nature not nerture as Richard puts it.
Now I've not got to my iPhone bit yet have i? well this is where it comes in. Richard Herring has a daily blog and has done for about 5 years now. He does it or should i say started it to try and counter act writers block and would do half an hours worth of blogging about the previous day. Well...this gave me an idea as i too want to be a comedian and writer even if I'm not the best writer i do have lots of idea's and if i can just get them down on paper or laptop as it is i can then maybe and that's a big maybe get to sit down with script writer's and start a sitcom and have better stuff to perform on stage with. Well i don't do exactly what Herring does i just don't have that much going on but for the last week i did write a little note each day with what i was thinking so I'll copy and paste them here and hope they are funny or at the very least interesting enough to past the day by if your board or in work which is the same thing to me.
MONDAY-I think I'm in love with a man and I hate a woman.
Rich herring I love, Emma I hate!
It's been a while since I last saw Chris he now looks like tony Blaire
and plays basket ball, OK he's only been playing for a week but one
thing hasn't changed and that's the fact he still drains the life and
soul out of any person in ear shot. I left the pub early just so I
wouldn't trip down the stairs on purpose to get his dreary mono toned
voice out of my head.(lets get this right i don't like Chris that much he is a nice guy just mind numbing)
TUESDAY-Where's Franky Boyle when you need him?
We and when I say we I mean we the nation have lost the blow job
giving bald racist Mrs jade goody. In one sense we don't have to put
up with bad cancer jokes...GOODY!!! Or having to wait until she does
drop but in another sense we won't get to hear some real good ones.
That's is where Franky(find real name)Boyle comes in. He tells sick
and a lot of the time damn right offencive jokes in his dead pan manor
and always makes it funny and that's what we need in this war torn,
money less, Austrian cellar, evil world. Why should we sit there
crying into our hands over the death of jade goody when many many
other people died on the same day and in the same weeks jade was
dieing? They didn't have millions supporting them with loved ones
taking there turn to look over the ill and still having to work or go
shopping.
Cancer is a horrid condition and one I wish to never see again it
turns loved ones into people you no longer know and puts massive
strain on all the people around to poor basted with it.
So when someone says "isn't it ironic jade goody started to look like
an egg and now she's in a box for Easter" don't get pissed off laugh
and make damn sure sure nothing in this life gets you down. Lives too
short people say, I say damn right!!!(a little rant, sorry)
WEDNESDAY-The only way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head........or make it work for Tesco.(to think this is the only thing that entered my head on Wednesday)
THURSDAY-A glimmer of hope.
Today walking to the bus stop I missed the bus and had to leg it
waving my arms like someone pretending to drown down the street and as
the bus floated by I thought SHIT! But then it stopped it stopped for
me it was a regular driver who I'd got to know over the last 2 years
getting the bus to work and it was that small gesture that had made my
day all ready and it was only 6:45am
Fast forward half an hour.
Now I'm in work and got a manager that' only happiness in life is
misery and causing the people around her as much as she can, we also
has a mardy bum driver and these 2 make a right pair together I'm now
sat waiting in the back waiting for this "circle of depression" to
swallow me whole. Let's hope I can find a joke in the smallest of
things to keep me from depressed ville.
Will Wycliffe jean and Dwayne "the rock" Johnson's it doesn't matter
help? Let's see.(turned out driver was cool)
FRIDAY-I can remember that august afternoon well.
Laura and i had just started seeing each other that day and i went
round to her house. we started kissing on the sofa it wasn't a very
nice kiss as I tell her some years after "her mouth was too wide" and
"it was like kissing a fish" something we soon got over and now when
we kiss it's like the earth stands still. Well there we are on the
sofa fishing I mean kissing! And her mum walks in. I thought now
what's going on her am I going to gang rapped by a mother daughter combo?
No! No I wasn't it turns out she has just got in from work, she was
very sweet probably asked if I wanted something to eat...... Why do
people do that? Soon as a fat person comes to there house they offer
them food! And politely chubs says no thanks to make it look like your
not so fat! Well there not blind they know you eat so say yes! I do!
My grand Irish and if any of you know an Irish person they always want
to feed you! She even rings my aunts to tell them I've been round and
I've had some food!(I've kept the fish bit in even though I've had a telling off over it)
SATURDAY-Saturday shopping,
I don't know what it is with girls but they need new, no matter what
the occasion new dress, new top, new bag. They have plenty of these
items at home but it's that part of the brain only women have and
that's the 'I must match' part.
Today though it's shoes we are looking for destination
Angle(Islinton) north London and even though it's not particular busy
I still have the urge to punch the slow moving parent with buggy in
front if me.
We head into shop after shop until we hit next and there's a 2 day
sale on! My god do my girlfriends eyes twinkle at the sight if a big
red circle with the word sale wrote on it. She finds some shoes but
forgets what size feet she has! How on earth can you not be the same
size as last time??? So 4 pairs later she decided they don't fit
because 5 are to small but 6 are too big, Que more shops and a drink
at the slug even after the slug on our way to vue cinema we have to
hit shops we didn't go in.
Cinema in London is a rip it's cost £19.50 just for tickets but at
least the film was good and considering I hate Nick cage films Knowing
was good and by the time you figure what's going to happen they chuck a
twist in there that only the papers cab spoil now as they try not to
give it away but also do by naming a key part to the final 20 Min's or
so of the film.(couldn't they just of shut it down for me and Laura to shop. do they not know who we are?)
SUNDAY-Country western music.
I love the lyrics of country songs you can just put an accent on and
talk about your woes
Eg. One more margarita was a bad idea
I got pissed up and shagged a dear.
In the car to London on Friday I spent 2 hours with a massive grin
just because of these songs. To think just an hour before this we had
Lenard Skynard and pink Floyd pumping though the cars speakers.
It's now the ride home and already we have had the country, Katie
Perry and usher a dream team right there. We are now on a golden
oldies CD Elton, midnight runners and others I don't know as they all
ore date me. We are not even on the M6 yet so Twitter and facebook has
been my companion in the back seat with one murry mint and a copy of
the daily (labour bashers) mail.
But home is just 2 hours away I'd say so I might write a blog have an
hour on the xbox and go bed. With work in the morning I don't think a
late night will do me any good as a feel like I've not had any sleep
with Being drunk for the last few nights.(long ass drive home with that playing where would you rather be?)
