So I’m in London this week Laura and I got the train from Manchester on Friday and began the 200 mile trek that only takes 2 hours but feels like a life time when 1) I had been in work since 7am and its now 7pm and 2) We had a pair of loud ass drunk’s sat near us. My iPhone did keep me entertained for about an hour using twitter and messing around with Google maps but with a spritely girlfriend sat next to me I could just drift off into a world of my own as she insisted on poking me in the side as soon as I was to shut my eye’s or even look out of the window. She did go get us some food for dinner a rancid chicken tikka butty and some cheesy quavers it done us until we hit London anyways.
Getting off the train in London is normally an easy job with no problems but I’ve never got the train with Laura and her gigantic suitcase before. I had my own bad over my shoulder and her stupidly big case in which I had to get off the train with Laura getting in the way and trying to hold the bag while saying “mind your back”, “mind my back? Get the fuck outta the way” now I love Laura to bits but when you have hold of a heavy bag the worse thing for someone to do is try and help by placing one finger on the thing and all the time telling you to “mind your back”. Now I might sound grumpy, I was! I had been up since six been in work for 9 hours and pulled in a 13 cage delivery most of which is heavy drinks, beer or canned goods. Laura on the other hand had been sat at the pc half the day and sat in the sun the other half so she was in good spirits and awake and trying her hardest to fuck me off but in fairness I do the same to her when she is trying to sleep I tickle her, when she’s trying to read I tap or hum or make any noise I can but that just doesn’t wash with me when I’m a bit pooped ok so I shouldn’t have a go I know that but still she should know that “GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY” means please can you try not to wined me up I’m a bit grumpy.
After Euston we head down to the underground and its fascinating that Laura has lived in London nearly a year and still can not work it all out. She lives on the northern line and from Euston it splits into 2 one through the centre of London charring cross etc and one round pass London bridge etc. Now the line that goes round the centre of ‘the big smoke’ takes about 40 mins just because its not a straight line but the line through London is and only takes 20 mins she cannot get her head round this as much as she tries and still is so surprised how much less time it takes even with a small change in the middle and that’s only across platforms. Anyways we head right in the golden arches of MacDonald’s for some late night food before we or should I say I crash out in bed ready for the 12pm monopoly pub crawl the next day.
Pub crawl day!
Wow I’ve never had Champaign for breakfast before but it’s good. After 2 glasses Laura’s head is spinning but Lindsey and Emma seem fine but there ausies so they can handle there beer. We had off to embankment where the tour starts just off the strand and we receive our free tequila shot and grab a beer (its only 12 midday!) this is Theodore bullfrog the 1st pub. There are 8/10 people around the table so we salt up our hands lick shot the tequila and bite hard into the lemon everyone’s face pulls the same contorted OMG!!! Look and wash it down with a beer. It’s the 1st time I’ve done tequila that I remember anyways but I liked it I don’t even like lemon or salt but with the sprit it was good and with the company too. 100 people and 95 of them are from down under or NZ apart from one guy who was on his own and made friends with the2 ausies (astro boy and mate) that had cornered me in the 2nd bar Belushi’s and was talking crap until my Jaeger bomb had run dry and I got whisked away to the next bar before everyone else got there by our own OZfest. It’s a good walk to the next bar The punch tavern but it’s nice and sunny and we get to see the home of Twinning’s tea and the Royal court’s of justice what we called the jail slot on our monopoly tour. In there we get food and 2 more beers and my tally is looking good I have 1 more beer to anyone else but I don’t know if its going to make or break me not a lot happens in this pub but astro boy did try and make convo but like a true brit I turned and walked away. Next bar is Dirty dicks on Liverpool st so 100 drunk people some dressed as nurses and on really fat chick dressed as a bubble bee pile on to a bus heading for dicks(that sounds wrong) in here we have a beer and the bar’s special of sambucca I have the black sambucca we then get on the the topic of Russell Brand I’m not a huge fan of his but Lindsey and pria had seen him at the O2 the night before and was in a scene from his up coming film with Jack Black and P Diddy where jack hit the stage while Russell was changing into his film get up and Jack Black to the crowd that they will have to pretend there at a rock gig for the next 20 mins or so and they will be in the film. Lindsey wants to in her own words “fuck” Russell so I tell her he has the smallest cock in the world as most people would of seen the pics in the papers last week with him naked in OZ I pull it up on Google with the iPhone to the jibes of “you saved it you fucking perv” or “your so gay”. No one now wants to fuck Russell brands famous stick so we head outside for some sun the guys are already out there with a beer in there hands. We chat for a bit with Tim the tour man before we head off to the next bar the Railway tavern’s Engine room up stairs again Jaeger bomb and outside for sunshine. We hit up Macdonalds here for lunch before heading to the Loop this place had a very very nice cocktail made from strawberry’s and alcohol. It’s getting to that point where we are feeling the effects and we lose half the group on the way to the next bar On anon in Piccadilly Circus and again a jug of that sweet sweet cocktail goes down faster than Maria Fritzle at Christmas. The rest of the group still are lost so we head to Zoo bar in Leicester square and its a shit hole so after a Cosmo cock tail we head to good old Walkabout where the rest of our group are already at with AC/DC pumping out from the DJ booth and the fosters flowing its the end of the crawl and its only half 8pm we are drunk and my head is splitting from the music and shitty fosters I’ve been given so after the drinks people start to go and I could be happier. Any normal night I’d be out till the break of dawn but 10 hours of booze and no food maccays don’t count as food! I need water and bed. The tube was the loudest I’ve ever been on but that could have been my pumping head and the tube was normal.
Laura wanted to go for a curry I would love to write what I had said to her on her because it was so funny even if I say so my self but even Laura was laughing so it must have been. I hit the pain killers and cash in bed 10pm and night running I couldn’t be more hardcore if I tried! But with a copy of Yes Man on DVD for the next day of rest I’m more than content.
Sunday
We did nothing! Nothing at all we talked about going for a walk in the sun to the common but that didn’t happen we talked about getting the tube to the themes but that didn’t happen. In the end and after all the talking we got on the couch to read but all I did was put AC/DC on a rawk out with my self on the sofa. We put Yes man on after tea and I loved it I loved it so much I’m getting the book and all the other Danny Wallace books. And again bed at 10pm Laura’s back at school tomorrow (so much for going out for a drink at the comedy club)
Monday
I’m up at 8am Stu had txt me saying he had just seen the funniest thing he’s likely to see all day with a dwarf on a bike so I txt back with a little joke(no pun intended) and get up. Sugar puffs and a shower I’m now ready to hit up the shops on regents st before heading to hide park for some sunshine and crack on with writing some of the sitcom I’m working on even if I still don’t have an episode yet.
I’m off to see Wicked tomorrow it’s fantastic everyone tells me so I’m in for a good night and then I head back to Manchester on Wednesday morning. I don’t know I can do heavy weekend of drink in Lancaster so I hope my friend cancels on me but if he doesn’t then I’ll just have to cope.
Thanks for reading I do hope this was much much better than the last post I don’t think I’ll upload my iPhone notes without checking them 1st from now on.
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