Is this my path?

Comedian...............?

That’s what I want to be it’s what has been running through my head every day like a bad dream. Every time I talk to someone it’s there every time I serve a customer at work it’s there and when I’m having a wee it’s there.

What is a comedian???

Well www.Dictionary.com say’s

co⋅me⋅di⋅an

  [kuh-mee-dee-uhn]

–noun

1.	a professional entertainer who amuses by relating anecdotes, acting out comical situations, engaging in humorous repartee, etc.

 

2.	An actor in comedy.

 

3.	A writer of comedy.

 

4.	Any comical or amusing person.

 

I am number 4 ‘any comical or amusing person’ if I know you that is, if I bounce off you and have a laugh when we meet that’s the person I am. I love to tell joke’s or funny anecdotes about life, work and other people. When I’m with friends I can send them into a broken state where they can no longer laugh out aloud. OK so this is on occasion. I can do this as most of my friends are funny and bounce back with a tangent to go off on then bring it back some time later with a punch line. 3 of us could be great comedian’s if we get off our asses and do it properly.

When I’m at home I will get on YouTube and find comedian’s I know and love or I will trawl through the most of the time real bad comedian’s to find a newbie. But it’s when I watch the legends or the real good comedian’s that I find myself saying “FUCK!” how on earth can I do this? Comedian’s like Richard Herring, Stuart Lee, Dave Gorman, Omid Djalili, Stephen K Amos, Smugg Robert’s, BILLY CONNALLY! Frighten the hell out of me. How can one person make so many people laugh? I know I know, they have warm up gig’s and know what works and what doesn’t but it still get’s to me it eats away at me. At home I sit down with my laptop or pen and pad I want to write a joke or a funny story but it doesn’t come, now when I’m around friends I can real off joke’s without thinking but yet I cannot get them down on paper or screen.

I wrote a joke the other day it went like this....

Peter Andre is looking to get a fat chunk from his divorce to Katie Price.

He’s getting Harvey.

I love that joke it might be sick but I wrote it, I’ve never wrote a “joke” with word’s and then the punch line. It made my day but I didn’t carry on so it was lost. Work plays a big factor on the reason I don’t write jokes or anything else in matter of fact because I would think of something funny, say to myself I must write that down before I forget and then puff! It’s gone.

Now to my point I think? A comedian stands on stage a stage in front of people real people and that is a fear that I don’t know if I could overcome. You see I’ve been on stage what about 3 times in my life and in this order I’ll tell thee.

1)    At a charity gig for a football club a friend of mine run’s I was sat down sober as I on this night was the designated driver and had to drive some of the drunk rabble home after. After all the game’s and trophy hand outs it was disco time with Karaoke, you can see where this is going cant you. Well “next up” said the compare one of the footie lad’s “Phil and Gaz with Wild Thing” Phil was drunk I don’t think he gave a shit but as a sober man this was my hell! A room full of people some I know most I don’t and it’s singing, something I don’t do and defiantly not well! We started and I think my mic may have been turned off I don’t know if I done it or it never worked but at least I couldn’t hear my voice over the massive speakers over my left shoulder. During the song Phil even sang the section of the video that tells us there is a 30 second instrumental coming up. My leg was shaking like Evil Presley with a trapped nerve. When we got off the stage to applause??? Lol I don’t know if that was because we were getting off or they thought we were good! People told us we was good I wasn’t convinced and glad my mic seamed to of been turned off or broke from my Hulk grip and sweaty hands. Laura leaned over gave me a kiss and said I liked the knee jerking that was a cool touch. NO LAURA! NO IT WASNT! I was shitting myself I’ve never been on stage the only other time I was in front of people was in year 7 and I played drum’s for the class band, at least my leg jerking came in handy then as long as it was in time with the tempo of the keyboards shitty alien sound’s. I was red faced and couldn’t hide my embarrassment.

 

2)    This time I was drunk! I don’t know where we had been and I don’t know   why we ended up in a Chinese Karaoke bar but we did and the weapon of choice for Anthony and I was DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince’s Boom shake the room. Let’s get one thing straight, I’m no rapper and the only words I know are Boom shake shake the room, tic tic boom! This didn’t go down well I couldn’t stop laughing and Anthony was singing like Liam Gallagher from Oasis which in some odd way made the song sound ok in my drunkard head. I think I laughed all the way through it apart from shouting BOOM every now and then was because I couldn’t believe I was again on stage and singing! I’m the shy guy, always was. In school I never made as much as a whisper and shy away from any spot light.

 

3)    This one at least doesn’t have any singing in it, well not into a mic anyways. This was the Xmas do for work and we had gone to the Frog and Bucket in Manchester, a comedy club and after the act’s there is a disco and by this time everyone in the joint is so drunk they can no longer see. I was on stage singing YMCA with some of the lads from work and on the stage for most of the night. I don’t remember most of it and it was only dancing wasn’t it.

 

It was a good night. I hope not the height of my career as a stand up. Doing the YMCA on the frog’s stage where I have seen greats like Smugg Robert’s, Richard Herring and Ian Stone.

Can I do this line of work? Can I get over my fear of large crowds of people? I don’t know but it’s going to be fun to find out and even now as 4 good jokes have passed through my brain and into thin air.....

 

I’m going to give it a good bloody go!